Don’t switch channels just yet; this is not an airy fairy neo hippy or self-improvement-junkies indulgent reflection. Here I’ll discuss what I believe to be one of the critical success factors in your career.
The background
This morning I was talking to a CEO that I recently ‘placed’ a COO with. Whilst working through his progress, wins and challenges we stumbled over a subject that frequently features in my success evaluation of a person - their self awareness (SA). In this instance the COO demonstrated a high degree of SA and we agreed that it plays a huge part in someone’s success in a role and ultimately their career. The facet that I’ll cover today is specifically the ability to understand how you are (behaviour, communication style, reactionary tendencies etc) and its impact upon others. For the moment I’ll leave the “why you are the way you are” for the psychologists and shrinks.
Why do I believe it’s so critical? Unless you work in a vacuum (day traders, astronauts, anyone else?) it will be a necessity for you to interact with at least one, and probably many, people every day. In fact the modern workplace has become such an interconnected web that I read somewhere you will communicate with an average of 30 different humans in any work day. The quality of the result (that you will both have) is driven by your ability to keep present to both of your reactions to the interaction. This presence I’d suggest is your personal insight and reactions – or self awareness. In reality, the situations that have the most riding on them are those that carry the most pressure, such as: a key sales presentation, negotiation over pay or potential business partnership, performance management discussion, or tense chat with your spouse/significant other.
When it’s channelled, that pressure can be positive and lead to a focussed and productive discussion. When it’s not, either or both parties can be hijacked by their emotions (a limbic response driven by your amygdala if you want the science) and the discussion can go quickly off the rails.
Some simple tips to reduce your self-highjacking:
- Planning. If you have the opportunity then planning is golden. Consider what outcome you seek, what outcome your opposite may want, and then how they’re likely to react to your positioning. Sticking to the plan will prevent distraction.
- Put yourself in their shoes. Yep, that old chestnut. If you truly want a ‘win win’ then you actually need the ability to see things as they do. “what would I think of my proposal if I were them”
- Ask others what you’re really like. This is the big one, the most confronting but also the most rewarding. Really probe and give approval for them to be frank and honest. The most valuable info will come from people closest to you: family and close friends, colleagues, and your boss.
- Remain focused on the big picture. It’s all too easy to get lost in the moment, thinking about the “he said, she said” and be driven by your reactions. Breathe….
Next time you don’t achieve what you sought in a tense situation then ask yourself “how did my reactions affect the outcome and did I respond in an unfavourable way?” If the answer is yes then perhaps it’s time to start watching some World Series poker to see how concealing your reactions and emotions can assist you!